47

Today is the 47-month anniversary of my wife and I. To stand on the cusp of four years of marriage is a vista to behold. I don't remember being a part of anything for four years with so much love and tenderness. The only other things that lasted for four years were college and high school and, well, not much love and tenderness there.

You blink and whole months go behind you. When you regain focus, it's another year down on the timeline, and your spouse is by your side. Reaching this marital perigee, like any milestone, makes you turn back and see how lucky one is. In my life, I was so used to people falling in and out of my life, that when someone sticks with you, tells you they love you, it humbles you and strips away any cynicism you might have tucked away in the dark root cellar of your soul. All the peripheral bullshit fades and it's your spouse standing there, as she did on your wedding day, all decked out in white and lace, all nerves and joy. And you, in that tuxedo that no one notices because they're all watching the bride, you're enraptured by the moment so much so that you're both standing in the opposite places that the bride and groom should be in. But in a cosmic way, you two have always broken the rules, so why follow tradition. You got married outside when some family members wanted you to be in a church. The service wasn't Catholic. And who the heck among your Midwestern relatives heard of an espresso machine coming standard at the reception.

It's a joke, getting married. Not a cruel one. Not a "ha-ha. what a bunch of dorks trapped in a Vera Wang choreographed nightmare" joke. When two people love each other, standing up in front of a bunch of people to have a rookie minister give a heartfelt but rambling blessing on the proceedings is all rather silly. You two know you love one another. This is just a formalized ritual, carried down by clans and tribes, carried into cities and gussied up by Martha Stewart and Modern Bride magazine. For the couple, it's just a public admittance while for the audience, it's an affirmation of their love, their common hope and faith that we believed in love and now the children believe, too. The future, at least in this circle, is in good hands. Mothers get teary-eyed. The older males look either with the roguish sense of pride in you and joy that it's not them up there or they aren't paying for it. Little kids, including that precocious ring bearer in a bow tie who freaks out on his big cue and bolts to grandpa or some random mommy in the crowd, wiggle around and wonder what the big deal is. It's a blurry chaos, a mixture of sounds and sights that distort you in a punch-drunk way. All eyes on you, and it's all love and warmth.

But for both of you, up there at the front of the big show, time warps and bends into a circle, depositing you back here when your anniversary approaches. It's better than any professional wedding video and more genuine. The 19st of every month, I come back to that yuppified farmhouse and that trellis of flowers where we stood. I remember the rain that never came and the sun cutting through the clouds exactly when my wife-to-be came down the aisle. We had known each other for ages, and now we were together in front of family and friends, living and dead, who would gather in their own way to see this union. Never did I think I would find her. Never did I believe I could find solace as I have in her. I love her, and I hope and pray I never, ever take her for granted.

I love you. And next month, it'll be four years.

Stuff

By the way, this is what we're supposed to give each other next month.

Traditional: Flowers
fresh flowers
plants
garden plantings
do-it-yourself floral arrangements

Modern: Linen / Silk / Nylon
linen tablecloths and napkins
lingerie
silk pajamas
backpack
linen clothing
scarves
ties
women's made-to-fit classics
men's dressy and casual clothes

Alternate Modern: Appliances
handy household appliances
beauty aids
electronics
furniture
exercise equipment


Exercise equipment? Yeah, that's the token item that says "I love you just the way you are."