How's your war?

Right on the heels of the Army kicking out some of its best Arabic translators for being gay (see entry below) comes word via the FBI that Al-Qaida (remember them?) has its eye on another major attack in order to "damage the U.S. economy and inflict large-scale casualties."

Rightly so, law enforcement is rushing to protect potential aviation, petroleum and nuclear targets. However, I don't think al-Qaida is going to do anything that repetitious as in capturing an plane in flight and slamming it into something. No, we're effectively swarmed around airplanes, making them pretty well secure.

No, something bigger and new is coming. I think it'll hit New York City again. And personally, in my most darkest moments, I think I know what would make for a real bloodbath for the American psyche and economy.

First, go to Motor Trend's web site and find out their "Car of the Year" for last year. For 2001, it's the clunky but huge Chrysler PT Cruiser. Go to your local dealership. Incentives to buy cars are supposed to be juicy now. Buy one. Get your terrorist buddies to buy two more at other lots. (on edit: The cars are popular and sporty, perfect for blending right in)

Second, read up on EMP devices. Learn how to build one. Or, in this case, several.

Third, buy a map of New York city. Better yet, take a job as a cabbie in the finanical canyon of Wall Street. Learn the area.

Fourth, when you are ready, install the EMP devices in two of the Cruisers. In the third, install a sealed mixture of ammonia and bleach with green food dye added for coloring. Attach C4 explosive to mixture container.

Fifth, drive the EMP Cruisers to Wall Street in mid-morning, after the morning traffic has died down (or the best morning time gathered from your observations as a cabbie). Take the chemical Cruiser to just outside of the financial district. Detonate the C4, destroying the Cruiser and releasing the gas (now colored a eerie, scary green mist). As panic begins and the police rush to contain the scene, fire off the two EMP Cruisers. The resulting blast (if the bombs are big enough and if you got lucky) wipes out computers and servers alike on Wall Street, reverting the New York Stock Exchange to the Stone Age.

Congratulations. You've hit the U.S. economy hard and brought the fear of a chemical attack to America.

Before you think I'm some madman who dreamt this up in order to give people ideas, I want you to know that I wrote this in 30 minutes using Google as my search engine of choice.

All you need to being America to its knees, I thought this morning after hearing the FBI report, is some money and a good Internet connection.