And now for something completely trivial...

Some writer named "ruiner" (named after the Nine Inch Nails song, I don’t know) has penned quite a passionate article about how much of a bad idea that George Lucas won't release the original editions of the first "Star Wars' trilogy (you know the one that doesn't suck) on DVD. Instead, the hint is that when Lucas gets off his flanneled ass and puts the damn things together, it'll be tinkered with and digitally altered to match what he saw as his original version of the series.

The problem is (as we know now from the new series of films) Lucas is great with the eye candy but a train wreck when he has to direct people or give them words to say in front of a camera. Lucas, if you remember, turned over the directing reins for "Empire Strikes Back" (the film that's the whole reason for the current crop of crappy "Star Wars" films) and "Return of the Jedi" to other directors and the results ranged from stellar ("Empire") to horrid ("Jedi" and its Ewoks). By the way, did you know that David Lynch was tapped to direct "Jedi"?

Let that one sink in. David. Lynch. David "Blue Velvet" Lynch. David Lynch directing Jabba the Hutt. Lynch with the Ewoks. Lynch and the creepy Emperor.

Yowsa.

He's said to have turned it down to direct "Dune,' a movie that should have been burned in the editing booth. Well, the four-hour version is not bad, but still...

Anyway, back to Mr. or Ms. Ruiner. While what he (okay, I’m assuming he…it’s a long article about “Star Wars”...let's just assume the obvious) wrote isn't as important as Team Bush's blindingly stupid advances on Iraq or the state of global climate, he nails that the original "Star Wars" trilogy (not the airbrushed, CGI-pumped remastered one) was the fuel of our kiddie dreams, and it should be left intact, save for the remastered picture and sound, of course. We fans know that the original films have their share of hokey moments and clunky dialogue, but it's our childhood, damnit! Don't mess with it.

Lucas should be proud to have created such an amazing work in the first, original-version trilogy. We've made him rich beyond his wildest dreams. He shouldn't have to feel ashamed of what he did, resorting to continually dicking with his art until he thinks he got it right. To us, to the star-eyed children in the audience, he got it right the first time. And, ironically, the more he tries to "improve" the old trilogy, the more we'll cling to the first version...the one where Han shot first and we only saw Jabba in "Jedi."

George (I've given you enough of my imagination and my cash to be informal with you), just clean up the picture and sound, put the original prints on DVD, add some kick-ass special features and released the trilogy as a 10-disc set. We'll buy it, we'll buy it several times. We'll put your grandchildren through college and make them the first people on Mars. It's okay, man. Take your hands off the CGI tools. Turn off the digital editor. Stop making "Star Wars" version 4.1. Come on off that nitpicker's ledge and let's have a burrito. You did good, man.

Now, as for the current trilogy....you can start all over with that all you want. Really...have at it. I have this script you might be interested in.

Okay…we fade in on the…