At the movies

In case you missed a major Hollywood film, here's a site that gives you an abridged (and sarcastic) summary of those box-office winners. Its seething review of and dissection of flaws in "Attack of the Clones" is eerily spot-on, making you wonder why "Mystery Science Theater 3000" has closed up shop. I mean, it's not like Hollywood stopped making crap movies.

The person behind this site transcribed the script to "Fellowship of the Ring." And added pictures from the film to match the scene you're reading. Wow. The transcriber even added the bits of dialogue that were spoken in Elvish.

Again, wow.

Reading it at work caused me not only to lose track of what I was doing, but made me yearn to buy the new FOTR DVD that came out yesterday. I'm holding off until November when a rumored super-special version will be hitting the streets. I should hold off until all the films are out and the super-duper 8-DVD secret squirrel edition featuring footage of Peter Jackson being crowned King Geek (after the crown is rightfully taken from George Lucas...you disgusting hack) and commentary by J.R.R. Tolkien (via séance) comes out.

But I can't wait that long.

Alpha Release Fiction Snip of the Day

In the movie theater, with the quiet and the seclusion of people staring into another world, she leaned in and whispered how she would protect him. The vixen merely held his hand.

In the dark he turned from the feature on the screen, plot already forgotten. He gave her a stare, a smile, a self-aware moment, a shameful head down. In the dull glow of movie light, he possessed a quixotic face with fluid skin that seemed on the verge of a tear and a smile at once.

He was terrified of the pain he would feel one day. It was common for burn victims to lose all sensation in those charred patches of flesh, only to regain pain at a later date and at a time when no one would suspect it. Then, the blinding flash that was last silenced by scorching flame would ripple back in sharp, carnivorous waves. He knew one day that pain would invade his soul, and would bring him to his knees.

Was he cheating on his wife? Was he even technically alive? He wasn't in Paris an hour ago. He just...awoke. And she was there. Her name was Claire. She taught him how to rollerblade and gave him his first glass of red wine. Now, they sat in a cinema. He wasn't use to his body yet. Inside, he was still Patrick. But outside, he was a complete stranger.

She murmured along with the film, "You can't know what all the scrawls on surfaces with one name in love with another means, the yearning for stealing glances, the covert method of reading treasured messages, or the blissful dance toward obsession and insanity until you've been there yourself."

When she finished, it was only then that he realized she was speaking French. And he knew it, every word, without knowing how to speak the language.

French Word of the Day

Oeillade (wee yahd): a "meaningful" glance; a "come-hither" look,